Ants

Funny Business, parenting fail

It’s the time of year in Michigan when red ants think they have earned the right to march under  my front door and take up residence in my coat closet. I am not entirely sure why their preferred habitat is under my hiking boots, but we go through this every year.

This year I found a new and entertaining way of dispatching  my little home invaders. It’s a spray bottle filled with Borax and water. (Not to be confused with Borat and water. Though, I am sure he would be just as effective at chasing away pests.) Spray that death-concoction on those 6-legged hellspawns and they run for their lives/curl up and die. Top it off with a few squirts of peppermint oil and those ants will start leaving memorials at the doorstep to remind future generations of the atrocities that occurred inside. It’s fun for me because I sat in an ant patch as a little kid and I hold grudges for a very long time.

So, I am gleefully squirting a little marching line of ants, sending those insect a-holes to hell and giggling maniacally. And yes, I was misquoting classic movies left and right. “Say hello to my little friend!” *squirt squirt* “Where’s your ant-god now?” *squirt* “Who do we call when we don’t know which way to go? NO ONE BECAUSE I JUST SQUIRTED YOU WITH BORAX, YOU MOTHERFLUFFER!”

I am having a whale of a time when I notice the kids staring at me with horrified looks on their faces.

It was then I realized that to them it totally looked like I was going all insect holocaust on the cast of A Bug’s Life. My bad. Sorry about that loss of an innocent childhood, guys.

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3 thoughts on “Ants

  1. LOL!
    the ants are back in our house again, and unfortunately, have decided that the dog’s snack-kong is an ideal place to set upresidence. I take pleasure in running hot-water through it and watching the nasty buggers wash away.

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