Boys Are Gross

Funny Business, Husbandisms, parenting fail

I noticed today that there was something brown all over Rain Man’s scalp.

I know what you’re thinking. I thought it, too. It was not poop. I dodged a bullet on that one.

Well, I asked him what was all over his head and he told me it was chocolate milk. That would be a completely acceptable answer if I had purchased chocolate milk in the last 6 months.

Rain Man, tell me more about this chocolate milk…

After some convincing, he tells me Cereal Killer poured chocolate milk on him. That he found. In a tree house. In the woods.

Nothing is quite as appetizing as the thought of mystery milk that has been sitting out for Lord knows how long.

So, I inform Daddy of the chocolate milk and Rain Man is unceremoniously thrown in to the bath tub. Once he comes out, I discover it’s still there.

This milk was like the super glue of dairy products. Daddy, of course, feigned ignorance and said he hadn’t noticed the chocolate-y glow on his son’s freshly-washed head.

“It’s still there! Unless he has chocolate lice, I am pretty sure it’s the milk.”

“Should we get a nit comb?”

“Can you imagine asking the pharmacist where the lice removal products are and qualifying it with, ‘My kid has a lot of chocolate milk in his hair.'”

“Not it.”

“You suck.”

Boys are gross.


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