It’s Not Naked Time

Funny Business, parenting fail

Yesterday morning I took Foodie to church with me. The twins were on a sleepover so, I let my husband sleep in and took Foodie out by myself. (Am I not the best wife ever?)

I took her to the less child-friendly church of the two we frequent because I clearly have memory loss and forgot why we stopped going to that church. (Yes, we rotate churches. I figure it helps keep us from being excommunicated because the kids are too obnoxious for Jesus.) Lots of elderly people who hate noise and a huge, echo-y sanctuary. It never ends well. But, I took her anyway and sat in the front row.

Well, Foodie was in a pretty spring dress that she immediately showed off to the congregation by walking in to the aisle and putting her head on the floor and her butt in the air. She waved it around a little to make sure everyone got a peek at her polka dotted diaper.

Then, Foodie noticed the marble floors.  I am not sure why she was so in to them today, but she was obsessed. (Probably had something to do with her putting her head on the floor during the butt-waggle incident.) She demanded that I take off her shoes so she could slap her little feet on the cool stone. When I declined, her protests got louder and louder. She wanted everyone in church to know that she wanted to put her bare feet on the marble floors.

Unfortunately, her vocabulary isn’t advanced enough for her to scream that. Instead, she was shouting,

“I WANT TO BE NAKED!”

I have on very good authority that her shouts were completely understandable even in the very back of the church. I can now see why people passive-aggressively leave pamphlets on our pew about how to make children behave in church.

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