Band-Aids! How Do They Work?

Funny Business

;The children are all in that phase where bandages are AWESOME. In the world according to my four year olds, a Lightnig McQueen Band-Aid could inspire peace in the Middle East, discover a trunk containing the lost works of John Lennon, and be able to calculate how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.

But, all Band-Aids are not created equal. Here is the official Band-Aid hierarchy according to my children:

Plain Flesh Colored Bandages: Only useful if you have an actual and serious injury that is causing significant bleeding and tears. Unacceptable in any other situation.

Cloth-like Flesh Colored Bandages: Slightly more desirable than plain bandages because of their incredible adhesive that resists all forms of removal. They are used mainly for bandaging linoleum floors, unfinished wood, and pets.

Solid Color Bandages (non-flesh colored): Pretty neat. Will sometimes be acceptable for non-injuries that mysteriously need bandaging. But, the most desirable color will be the one that is not included in the box or is seriously under-represented.

Bandages with Words or Pictures: It’s irrelevant that the kids don’t quite read yet. These are cool. They will sometimes be needed for “sympathy injuries” on the non-boo boo’d kids because of their coolness.

Patterned Bandages: Tiger stripes, camouflage, snakeskin. They make boo boos that caused sniffles and tears in to sweet status symbols.

Bandages Featuring Cartoon Characters: Just hand your paychecks over to Johnson and Johnson now. Once your kids know Spiderman bandages exist, nothing else will ever be good enough. Ever. You will go through so many bandages, you will feel like you are running triage at the National Paper Snowflake Making Speed Trials.  Every boo boo, non-boo boo, and hurt feeling will require Hello Kitty or Dora for covering.

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