The Exorcist

Funny Business, parenting fail

I met a real, live, exorcist last night. Like, a “What’s up? I am a priest and I can totally expel demons from people and I have awesome stories about it” exorcist.

We went to a church barbecue at the Cathedral because 1) church potlucks rock and 2) there was going to be free babysitting during the presentation. I didn’t even know what the presentation was about, but you all know my position on free childcare and free food. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, smile and nod, don’t drink the Kool Aid.

The kids ran around like little maniacs before the dinner started. Rain Man actually bit me in front of the evening’s speaker because I wouldn’t let him dive in to the raw hamburgers. He was a little hungry, I guess. But, eventually they ate, calmed down, and were shipped off to a room in the basement with a bazillion other little kids to watch movies while we went to the presentation.

I kind of assumed it would be a mildly boring discussion about faith and God and who-knows-what. But then, it got AWESOME.

The priest who came to talk was an exorcist. Now, I have never heard anyone seriously discuss exorcism in church before so, I was peeing myself with excitement. I could stare at my computer all day watching ghost hunting shows on Hulu. (Not that I have or….okay. I have totally done that before.) I get all geeked out about demons and paranormal stuff. So, I was obviously entranced by this priest and his tales of demonic possession. He was a great speaker, too so the presentation flew by.

At the end, another priest came up to thank the audiene and speaker for coming. He reminded parents to collect their children.

The exorcist priest looked directly at me and said, “Especially you.”

I KNEW IT. They are definitely possessed.

(I know how fabricated that sounds but I swear to you he actually said that. I have a room full of witnesses.)


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