Morning People

Me, parenting fail

My daughter is a morning person. I am….not so much a morning person.

Let’s put it this way: I sleep like a bear hibernates. I like long uninterrupted sessions of sleep and I have been known to eat tourists who get too close.

Foodie is getting dangerously close to becoming a tourist.

Here is how my morning goes:

Sometime after midnight but before 5:30AM, Foodie wakes up. She recently learned how to use door knobs so, she helpfully releases herself from her room and pads down to my room where I am still hoping for at least another 2 hours of hibernation.

Foodie bypasses Daddy completely (UNFAIR!) and wanders over to my side of the bed with whatever she’s dragged with her. Sometimes it’s a blanket. Sometimes it’s clothing, a Wii controller, or a diaper. Every once in a while it’s a brother. She then stands right next to my face breathing and waiting.

The “Oh Lord, someone is staring at me” feeling is usually enough to wake me up in a sudden panic with Foodie staring wide-eyed, inches from my face. If that doesn’t work, Foodie will start a time-honored toddler tradition.

“Mama. Mam. Mama. Wake-a up! MAMA! MAMMAAAA!”

Rinse and repeat until I groggily toss Foodie in to the bed and snuggle her between me and Daddy.

This will keep her happy for about 20 seconds. But, then she wants to start roaming around the bed and playing hide and seek in the covers. If all that commotion fails to produce an upright parent willing to make her some breakfast, she will go back upstairs and wake up her brothers using, what I can only assume, are the same methods she used on me. They work better on the twins.

Then there’s no way anyone’s sleeping anymore.

All this before 6:00AM. And people wonder why I dream of a coffee IV…


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