Nothing Says Happy Birthday Like Urine…


The kids were invited to a friend’s birthday party yesterday. It was a great party. Pizza, crafts, a movie, and an unlimited supply of cake and ice cream. All three of my kids were in heaven.

Foodie slowly plodded through an enormous plate of desserts contentedly, even after all the other kids had moved on to other activities.  By the time the party was over and she’d scarfed at least 2 pieces of cake, her eyelids drooped, and she had a big, sugary smile on her face. I could see her thinking, “Mission accomplished.”

Cereal Killer had an equally eventful time at the party. He invited the birthday girl over for sleepovers (smooth, son) and helped her get in to mischief with her newly opened presents.

It was Rain Man I was worried about. He tends to get a little over-stimulated at parties and I was afraid he was going to go off like a firecracker without warning. But, he was like a  ginger, rosy-cheeked angel. Only once did he make me want to bury my head in shame/laugh inappropriately.

Rain Man was going to sit down on a child-sized chair that Foodie had been sitting in. He was so engrossed in the movie on TV, he didn’t notice she was pulling the chair away for her own use while he was preparing to sit. What followed was a scene straight out of the Three Stooges. Rain Man plopped on the floor unceremoniously and whipped around to see Foodie high-tailing it away with his chair. So, he took a little balsa wood mask and cracked her on the head with it. The flimsy wood shattered everywhere, leaving both children in a stunned silence. I was horrified that my children would act like….my children in public but, apparently that act really impressed the birthday girl’s cousins. Hopefully they won’t try it at home or this will quickly put an end to future party invites.

We all left smiling and I gave myself a mental pat on the back for keeping the kids from killing each other and/or setting the house on fire.

“I gotta pee,” stated Rain Man as we were packing in to the car. (Of course. He couldn’t have had to pee 5 minutes ago when we were getting ready to leave the party…)

“Okay,” I started, intending to finish the sentence with something about how we were going to drive straight home. But, it was too late.

Rain Man had his pants around his ankles and was peeing in the middle of the street on the nice block full of lovely houses with manicured lawns. And it wasn’t just a little job. It was like a scene in a gross-out comedy where the character pees for a ridiculously long time. And of course most of the other party guests (mostly girls, of course) were also being ushered in to cars while my son stood in the road urinating.


Some people write thank you notes, I have to write “Sorry my kid peed awkwardly in front of your children” notes.


2 thoughts on “Nothing Says Happy Birthday Like Urine…

  1. The great thing is, that any mother with boys (sounds like you were mostly out of luck here), has had this kind of thing happen at one time or another. Maybe not with manicured lawns, but publicly, and inappropriately. Remember it for his 21st!

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