What’s Behind the Curtain

Funny Business, parenting fail

Now, I 100% believe parents should be involved in their children’s education. I try to keep up on what is going on with them at school and help out when I can, but I have realized that…I really don’t want to know what they actually do at school. It’s far too embarrassing for me.

I sat in on the boys’ Little Church lesson on Sunday because they were literally the only children at church on New Year’s Day. (How hung over was the rest of our flock?!)

The instructors did a convincing job of looking like they were happy to see my kids but, I have my doubts. Sometimes even I cringe when I see them coming. I can’t sugar-coat it. They are a big, ol’ handful.

Robert lived up to the reputation I imagine he has by spending the whole 30 minutes running around the room. He didn’t stop once. He just did laps around the tables. I have a sneaking suspicion my husband gave him a bowl of sugar for breakfast because he was just like that Mike Myers character from Saturday Night Live in the 90’s.

"My mom gave me a Snickers bar and I pulled the car home!"

Peter, on the other hand, was a little angel. He sang the songs and was eager to color in pictures of the Holy Family.

I thought, “Well, at least they see that ONE of my children isn’t acting like he was raised by wolves.”

I had clearly forgotten the Nelson Law of Parenting.  As soon as you get proud or smug about your children’s actions, they will do something that will make you want to crawl in a hole and write nasty letters to Dr. Sears.

Peter was given a second Holy Family coloring sheet since he had finished the first one. (It looked a little more like Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat and a little less like the Holy Family when he was done, but I am not going to split hairs here.)

He grabbed a red crayon and set to work, coloring every inch of the paper. He looked up at his instructor and in his Scary-ass-kid-from-The-Shining-voice said, “They’re on fire.”

I pretended I didn’t hear that one and loudly complimented Aili on using every shade of purple Crayola has conceived to color in her Holy Family.

One child is re-enacting Speed on foot, the other is thinking about setting the baby Jesus on fire. We left before their sister could go for the Bad Parenting Evidence Trifecta.

If they do this at church, what do they do at school? I really, really don’t want to know now.


2 thoughts on “What’s Behind the Curtain

  1. So glad you’re back!

    As my kids are much older than yours I feel qualified to share this observation: It’s not the kids who color the Holy Family in flames you usually need to worry about. Because you know exactly what’s going on with those kids. It’s the sneaky little well-behaved kids who actually set things on fire.

    So there.

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