Top Ten Reasons Why I Hate Caillou

Funny Business

I just recently realized that I am not the only parent out there with a healthy loathing for that whiny, bald Canadian and his irritating TV show. In fact, there are Facebook pages and websites devoted to the subject. I feel the need to jump on the bandwagon and tell you all why I can’t stand that show in a helpful and concise Top Ten list.

10. That voice. Oh. My. God. I am sure Anne Boviard is a very talented voice actress, but when I hear that Caillou voice on TV, I want to punch her in the throat. For some reason, the thing that irritates me the most is how she has him say the word “Clementine”. PS, Clementine? Really? And the whining. Could the kid possibly say something that is NOT a whine?

9. The narration. Who is this invisible cracked-out Grandma telling me Caillou’s inner thoughts? She need to go. She doesn’t even tell us she secretly thinks his parents should medicate him. What good is she then?

8. What a whiner. I have dealt with four year olds and, yeah, they whine. But, they also STOP whining and do other things. Caillou is a flat, boring, whining character. And he whines.

7. Those G-D puppets. In some episodes, there are vignettes with Caillou’s cat, turtle, and…I don’t know…teddy bear? Ferret? Whatever. Point being: the puppets have no real place in the story. And hearing them tack on their little “And me!” chorus on the theme song is just a disappointing reminder that I am in for a half an hour of whining. Mostly the whining is from Caillou, but sometimes I join in.

6. What kinds of drugs are Caillou’s parents on? They are always all Suzie Sunshine about EVERYTHING. They never get upset when Caillou runs in to traffic or builds a biological weapon in the backyard. At least throw me a “time out”, people.

5. The clothing. Yes, I realize they are Canadian but, there is no need for wool sweaters in summer. And Caillou’s dad needs a haircut. That mullet is getting out of control. I like hockey as much as the next person, but there is a time and place. Ice rink. 1992.

4. Why is he bald?? Are they skinheads? Does he have cancer? Is it common for 4 year olds to be as bald as cue balls? Well, at least he isn’t sporting his dad’s mullet yet.

3. No one loves their little sister that much. No one. My boys love their sister but even they try to beat the tar out of her occasionally. (Last night it was because of a magna-doodle they didn’t want to share.)

2. I was legitimately hoping Caillou was French for “whine-ass”, but apparently it means “pebble”. I am very disappointed in this. Very.

1. It’s streaming on Netflix and my children find it fascinating so I am obliged to watch it before school. When I was a kid we had Mr. Wizard and  Fraggle Rock before school. Children’s television has become far less educational and far more whiny.


14 thoughts on “Top Ten Reasons Why I Hate Caillou

  1. Definitely bring back Mr Wizard.
    Is there no Sesame Street available?
    Fortunately, I’ve never heard of or seen this show. And don’t plan to either.

    Whew – dodged a bullet there!

  2. Haha, I had the same question about Caillou’s baldness. At first, I thought maybe he had alopecia, but my wife googled it and it’s because he’s supposed to represent all the children of the world. So it’s apparently offensive to give him a hair color, but what about his skin? Stupid.

  3. Really? I think Caillou is an asshole to Rosie. And the parents are pretty complicit, like the time he freaked out because his mom gave her his old sweatshirt and she ripped it off the poor baby and gave it back to him. That would have never flown in my house, then again, my older daughter would be happy to see her sister in her clothes. Rosie, by the way, is a total angel and barely ever cries or whines or tantrums, so we know the writers do know how to make an endearing child, but are inexplicably choosing to make a heinous one. I think they are aiming for a “realistic” kid? But the show isn’t for parents, it’s for kids, and kids model what they see! One more and I’ll stop- the episode where there is a “scary monster” in his closet. Thanks a ton, morons, my 2 yr old really needed that.

  4. You forgot the worst part. Maybe you haven’t noticed yet, because I didn’t until my husband pointed it out & now it drives me CRAZY. The goofy white fade around the show is totally inconsistent. Sometimes, the whole thing has a white fade, sometimes it’s just the top & bottom, sometimes it’s three sides. No rhyme or reason to it. Sometimes things appear over the fade, sometimes the disappear. W. T. F.

  5. I hate pretty much everything about this show but my little guy loves it and I love him so we watch. I even hate that they limit the number of shows they air. The thing was on for almost 10 years but we have to watch the same ones over and over, gah!

  6. You guys all have me rolling. I watch it with my niece all the time while babysitting. So many of the things that bug you guys bugged me too so I had to go on a research mission to find out why.

    Caillou has had three different voices. The first voice, when the show first started, the poor girl committed suicide. In these early episodes Caillou was a brat. They where going for a “realistic” toddler. They got tons of complaints from parents and so the newer Caillou’s, he’s more polite and like a model child.

    The Grandma use to be shown telling the story to these two little girls. She would read them the Caillou books. It started out as a book series in French speaking Canada (why he has a name like Caillou in the first place)

    Later on the producers of the show got lazy, they edited out the beginning and end where the grandma reads the story, and they started just mixing up old Caillou’s where he’s a brat, and the new Caillou’s where he’s an angel.

    The white “Frame” is there because it’s supposed to resemble the books.

    He’s a bald bastard because originally he was supposed to be younger than 4. But then they aged him and gave him a sister but forgot to give him hair because all his toddler fans liked him bald I guess?

    We watch it on Sprout and PBS. They show the same episodes over and over and over and over and over and over again. Because I guess PBS only licensed a few of the shows and then edited them together (sans-grandma) in Standard Definition and then took a few of the later shows that where in HD to add to their HD channel lineup. Those newer episodes STILL edit in VERY OLD episodes together and this is why the white edges are sometimes so huge. Because they are taking standard definition video and putting it into a high definition frame.

    Oh also in Canada on their public channel CBC, the episodes are only supposed to be 10 minutes. IE each story is an episode. And even though PBS does not have commercials the same as the CBC, they extended it to 30 minutes and that’s why you see all these inconsistent episodes together where Caillou is an angel and then a brat and then an angel and has three different voices.

    Ok some of these points I repeated but I hope this helps you guys rest easier at night, knowing that they’re not trying to fuck with you. They just made some poor production decisions when they brought the show over to the USA.

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