Pet Rocks


There are a herd of rocks living in my house right now.  While some people think pet rocks are easy to care for, they do come with a very specific set of instructions for keeping them safe, happy, and in the house.

Some of our rocks are of the painted-with-glitter variety. It used to be a rare breed, but ever since the price of glitter went down, many preschool teachers are now breeding them by the truckload. We have three of them and I find that they are not as lovable as the other pet rocks because they shed a lot and then you have the herpes of all craft supplies everywhere in your house. So, only get yourself a glitter pet rock if you prefer anti-social pets that can never be touched or looked at.

We also have some plain mutts. These are rocks that I believe were found as strays outside our house. Peter just can’t resist an adorable little rock, just begging to come inside so, we have adopted a lot of strays. The trick with stray rocks is to give them baths right away as they are always filthy and to remember that they are, in fact, supposed to be in the house. Many tears can be avoided if you remain aware of which rocks are pets and which ones can be thrown out in the yard. Pro-tip: they all belong in the house and none of them can be outside pets. Ever. They make very good pets and excellent weapons so, they are perfect family pets!

Lastly, we do have some fancy, purebred rocks. They could definitely win Best in Show if we decided to show them. They have been carefully groomed and adorned with beads, feathers, and chunks of felt. They are true works of art. These are the most special pets. If they run away or happen to move to a different room to nap, it can cause a household panic. They are small, fragile souls who just can’t be left unattended. You know how those specialty breeds are…

A life with pet rocks is very rewarding. At least, that is what my children keep telling me. They also tell me their pets love to sit in the window for sunlight and may never be used as door stops.

Now, if you will excuse me, I see Spiderman Lunchbox-face (Oh yes. That is his name.) has left a mess on the floor again.  Those sassy little glitter rocks…


One thought on “Pet Rocks

  1. I love pet rocks! I was a huge fan of them when I was younger (being the type to pick up any ‘pretty’ rock I saw). I was the type to carry my pets with me, so at any given moment, I could pull out three or four from pockets. They were friends with the bouncy balls and washers and nuts I carried as well. My mother was forever trying to scoot them out of the house to no avail. They even had their own special drawer for safe keeping.

    Now, at age 30, I’m still finding boxes with my pets in them. Slowly they are learning to be outdoor pets, but I now have plenty of outdoor pets too.

    Great post.

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