I don’t jump to conclusions. I make lunging, flying leaps to conclusions.

Last night I put the kids to bed and then went downstairs to the basement to enjoy the relative coolness. After a few minutes, I heard suspicious noises so I came upstairs. As I was walking up the stairs, I could smell something burning. I got to the kitchen and there were my three little piglets, standing around and trying to look innocent.

It smelled strongly of burnt something so, I went in to hyper-drive. I was sniffing everything to find the origin.

“What are you three doing?” I asked sharply. “What is that smell? Are you playing with something you aren’t supposed to touch? Did you stick something in the toaster???”

I charged around the kitchen, looking for an appliance, seconds from bursting in to flames.

“Go back to bed,” I insisted. “I need to figure out what you’re burning! It stinks!”

The children scattered as I continued my quest.

Then I caught something out of the corner of my eye.

The neighbor. Outside. Sitting next to….

A grill.


Oh crap.

The window was open this whole time and, given the proximity, I know he heard every word.

Oh. Jeez.



4 thoughts on “Awkward

  1. And that’s when I start saying all kinds of other stupid shizz as if I knew the window was open all along and desperately wanted the neighbor next door to hear. Everything that follows is always cover shizz in an effort to make myself sound, well, ehm, not awkward.

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