Day 2

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For the second night in a row, Aili has come to my bed, ready to jump in whilst covered in poop.

Now it’s a battle of wills.

How stubborn am I?

Will I keep getting up in the middle of the night to clean her up and put her to bed? Or will I break down and buy training pants for her to wear at night so she doesn’t ruin every single pair of underpants she has?

Why does no one talk about this when they discuss parenting dilemmas with prospective parents? They tell you about teething and tantrums and colic, but no one ever says, “Hey, you might just end up in a poop war with a three-year-old. Very smelly. Not sure you can possibly claim victory ever in this situation. Also, you will discover that a 3 foot tall person can, in fact, poop on an 8 foot ceiling. There is no explanation for this. It’s probably aliens.”

No one warns you!

Actually, yeah. That is probably for the best. If there were graphic descriptions of what children actually do to their parents in sex ed classes, people would stop reproducing. The human race would completely die out.

Shoot. I think I blew our cover.

So, uh….if you don’t have kids yet…uh…just kidding! Haha! Toddlers can’t poop on the ceiling! Haha! Impossible! Gravity, right?

Stop reading now, non-parents. Nothing more to see here.

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I think they’re gone.

How many times per month does YOUR kid poop on the ceiling? How the heck do they do that? At least if makes a good testing ground for my mop with the extendable handle…

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