My Triumphant Return. Also, I’m Having a Nervous Breakdown

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It’s been nearly a year since I have looked at this blog. I had Lazy Blogger Guilt.

I would think about posting something and then remember I hadn’t written in approximately 400 years and then feel guilty because if I wrote just ONE post and then disappeared again, I would look flaky.  So, the silence got longer and it became harder and harder to remember what the heck my password was to get in this friggin’ blog was in the first place…

So….sorry. I have been Lazy. I will try to be Not Lazy and write again but, I can’t make any promises or I will start feeling guilty and stop writing. Probably mid-wo

Ha.

Anyway. What was it that finally broke me down and got me writing again?

Life has gone from Mess to Hot Mess and if I don’t laugh about it with someone, I will cry about it. With a bottle of peach schnapps. In bed. Lights out, of course. What kind of an animal do you think I am?

We shall backtrack a little as I go, but for now let’s start with today’s ordeal.

Princess Aili and Her New Grill.

My dear, sweet 4 year old is hell on wheels sometimes. Most of the time. She is not a fan of medical professionals. I can only blame myself for that because she has been witness to her brothers being poked and prodded since she was an infant. She may be a little traumatized.

Even though we have the sweetest pediatric dentist on the planet, Aili treats her like Public Enemy No. 1. When she tried to take routine x-rays and do a cleaning, Aili punched her in the jaw. When the dentist gave her some Versed to make the snozberries taste like snozberries, Aili employed her feet and nearly destroyed a medical lamp that I am going to assume costs more than I make in a year. And then she narrated and entire episode of “Horseland”. I don’t even think the TV was on so, it was quality entertainment. It didn’t do a whole lot for her dental health, though.

So, today we had to get down to business and put her under general anesthesia to get the job done. You haven’t really felt like a parenting failure until you’ve had a dentist suggest putting your kid to sleep for a routine cleaning. It’s fantastic. (Okay, it wasn’t just a cleaning. She had some teeth missing enamel that had to be eradicated as well. And no, that doesn’t make me feel any better about it.)

When I was in the recovery room, holding a sobbing little girl who was drooling all over and having a hard time coming to terms with consciousness, we were next to a guy who was clearly worse off than us. His leg was rigged up in to what looked like something I once saw in a torture museum in Germany. He was moaning and shaking. Aili was terrified of the scary sounds and I thought, “My God, I was supposed to go in to work this afternoon. I had an appointment. I am NEVER going to make it in time.”

And then I looked at my sad little peanut who was now sleeping in my arms, happy to finally have someone familiar holding her.

My priorities are in a different time zone. I need to start writing this stuff down and making it funny again because I am losing it. I am really, really losing it.

 

So. Here I am. It’s not funny yet. But, hopefully it will get there.

Well, it was a little funny when Aili discovered her silver spacers when we got home and she decided she was a straight up gangster.

 

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