It’s a Bird, It’s a Plane…


We were riding in the truck to hockey and the kids were chattering in the back. I wasn’t really paying attention until I caught Peter say, “You kiss boys, Robert! GROSS!”

And then, like the most awkward super hero in the history of pop culture, I became Irrationally Offended Liberal White Girl. I would love to say I whipped my glasses off to get there, but they just kind of slid down my nose.

I am sure you’d love to know more about Irrationally Offended Liberal White Girl. She is the awkward defender of social justice. She will find a stumbling and emotion-packed way to tell you that it is NOT okay to use certain racial epitaphs regardless of the fact that she has never even met people of half the racial groups discussed. She feels guilty about her white privilege and doesn’t quite know if the proper term is “transgender” or “transexual” but the whole concept is terrifying (on a damage control level only, people are wonderful and their bits and pieces are not of my concern!) and makes her start to sweat a little because it seems FAR too easy to offend someone who is…one of those terms. She will become offended at the least social injustice and isn’t afraid to let you know ALL about that. I try not to let her out because she’s a bit of a nut, but it happens.

Irrationally Offended Liberal White Girl’s pet topic is LGBTQOMGWTFBBQ rights. (They keep adding letters. I don’t know what to do about this.) She is not afraid to pull out the “I have a gay friend/family member/pet iguana” card. So, having a son that just said something that could be construed as mildly homophobic? Unacceptable.

“What was that?” I asked, hoping my son was actually saying kissing toys was gross.

“Kissing boys is gross!” he shouted.

“Peter, it is not gross. Some boys like to kiss boys, some girls like to kiss girls and there is nothing wrong with that! It’s no different from boys and girls kissing…”

“EWWW,” interrupted Peter.

“Do you think boys kissing girls is gross?” I asked.

“Yes! Ick!”

“Is all kissing gross?” I asked, starting to get it.

“Ew. Yes. It’s all gross.”

Oh. Not homophobic. Just a little boy. Irrationally Offended Liberal White Girl did not save the day. Again.

“Is any kissing not gross?” I asked, still wondering how his brain was working.

“Well, you can give a kiss to grandma. That’s okay. I guess.”



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