Recipe For Disaster

Robert would eat breakfast foods for every meal if he was allowed. He loves it all. Bacon, eggs, waffles, pancakes…It’s all good to Robert. The other two like breakfast foods too, but not to the extreme degree Robert does. He will occasionally deny liking all of his favorite foods at least once, depending on his mood. But, he will never forsake bacon and eggs. Never. Since I was feeling lazy last night and entirely unmotivated to make dinner, I used this ultimate fallback on the kids.

“Guys, do you want breakfast for dinner?”

The reaction I got was similar to the reactions of the old people on their doorsteps when they are told the just won the Publisher’s Clearing House sweepstakes. Screaming, crying, thanking Jesus. It was all there.

My kids really like pancakes.

So, I fired up the griddle (which I am pretty sure I haven’t used since we moved last year. I think I thought it was broken so I have been favoring the waffle iron. Surprise, it worked!) I made a big batch of hot cakes….and discovered we were out of syrup.

Of course we were. I mean, really? Why would I check for syrup BEFORE promising pancakes.

I got creative and put out some berries, jam, and applesauce. Success! I called the kids to dinner and then made my fatal flaw.

“Can we put the jam on ourselves?”

I don’t know if I was distracted or if I was having a stroke, but I said yes. And then, I turned my back for precisely 5 seconds. When I turned back around, my entire kitchen was covered in jelly and various sauces. There may have even been ketchup mixed in there. Someone had painted a lovely Jackson Pollack on my floor in blueberries and there was a small fire in the corner.

That may have been a slight exaggeration.

“Did you manage to get any of the jam on your pancakes?” I asked.

All three children looked up from their dinners with berries and jelly smeared all over their faces.

Apparently they tried to cut the middle man out of the equation and put the sauces directly on their faces, avoiding the pancakes entirely.

I’ll get the rag…


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