A Few Truths About Cleaning the Bathroom with Little Boys

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I was going to write something well thought out about this morning’s visit with Robert’s behavioral team, but then I went in to my bathroom and I was so horrified, there was nothing else I could think about.

Disclaimer: Yes, I believe you should teach your children to be tidy from the start and that they should help clean the messes they make, but sometimes a mama has to go solo in the cleaning process because of chemicals and because sometimes I think showing them all the places to clean just gives them new ideas around finding places to mess.

When you have little boys, you have to realize you will face a few situations when it comes to the bathroom.

1. They will pee on everything you hold dear. And it isn’t always intentional. Little boys are just tiny, crazed firefighters who believe in their heart of hearts that everything is on fire and/or afflicted with the sting of a jellyfish. It is their civic duty to pee on everything. This includes the entire surface of the toilet. Because why pee in it when you can pee all over it!?

2. You will sit on a wet toilet set. Not once. Not twice. Probably about 3 times….per week. It doesn’t matter how well you check or how many times you’ve asked them to lift the lid when they go. They will dribble on the seat and you will sit in it. And guess when you will realize it? When you stand up and the cool air hits the wet ring on your butt. This is the kind of thing that happens to prisoners in those messed up torture prisons in foreign countries.

3. There will be days when you have cleaned the bathroom SO HARD, that strangers will ask you what pool you are training for the Olympics at because you reek of chlorine bleach.

4. You will learn quickly that when someone says “bleach and ammonia don’t mix”, they don’t mean like in the way that toothpaste and orange juice don’t mix. You only have to pass out in a shower stall once to realize that you should have read all the ingredients on the bottle of Kaboom before you re-used the rag you had just used to bleach the death trap you refer to as “the toilet”.

5. Someday the little boys will outgrow the compulsion to urinate on every surface in your bathroom. Or they will move out and go to college. Either way, this too shall pass.

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