Sometimes when I am stuck on the couch nursing Foodie, the remote is too far away for me to turn on something mind-numbing and my book….Oh, who am I kidding. I have children. It’s been so long since I read a book for pleasure, I am not even sure I am literate anymore. So, the TV is off, the kid obviously has her mouth full and isn’t much of a conversationalist anyway, so I start thinking random thoughts. And this is one of them:
So, I read (code word for “saw a Discovery Channel special”) this thing about how bamboo is stronger than steel and that we should probably make stuff from it because, it’s friggin’ stronger than steel. And it’s earthquake-proof. And it looks very zen.
But.
What about the pandas? First, what if the pandas came and tried to eat your house because they are all, “Hey, that looks delicious!” and you’re all, “No! That’s my freaking house! Do you know how much of your habitat I had to destroy to build this?! It’s French Colonial, you dirty wood bear!”
That would pretty much suck for everyone.
And then I realized something. If bamboo is stronger than steel, panda teeth must be stronger than that so if you want to be invincible, you need to make yourself a suit of armor from panda teeth. There are some drawbacks to such an epic suit of armor, though. There is a strong possibility you will lose a finger or seven in the process of extracting panda teeth. Pandas hate the nitrous oxide masks so, you’re going to have to go all Little Shop of Horrors crazy dentist to get those teeth.
But once you get them, look out world. You’ll be unstoppable. Until someone realizes the stainless steel drill you used to get those panda teeth is stronger and…WAIT.
PARADOX. CRAP.
And then Foodie was done nursing so I turned Toy Story and went and did some laundry.
The end!
shhh. 